Quantcast
DECK THE HOLIDAY'S: 10/01/10

Friday, October 1, 2010

RULES AND TIPS TO SURVIVE A CLASSIC HORROR MOVIE MONSTER ATTACK!!!


   I love to watch old horror movies.  The new one are most of the times a little on the gory side, but the old ones are still fun to watch.  The people in these movies have no common sense.  If they had, they would all survive their little escapades  with hitchhikers, vampires, zombies and any monster in the local vicinity.  So, I submit for your reading pleasure: Rules To Survive Scary Encounters.
  1. When the old lady or gentleman in the inn or tavern tells you to avoid a certain place, DO IT!  The locals generally know what they are talking about.
  2. Despite how late it is, drive on through.  Ignore your travelling partner's yawns, snores, and protests of fatigue and keep on going.
  3. NEVER! stay at Mom and Pop hotels.  The kids have been known to harbor homicidal tendencies. 
  4. If, for some unforeseen reason, the car inexplicably breaks down in the middle of the night, DO NOT leave it's shelter.  Stay put!  Lock the doors, and if one is available, put our cell phone to good use.  But then, if you had a cell phone.....well,  that's another story.
  5. DO NOT attempt to hide away in deserted mansions, castles, shacks, inns, caves, or anywhere else that looks like familiar monster grounds. (Sub-rule A: Ignore that person who insists such questionable places are surely safe.)
  6. If, for some unforeseen reason, you find yourself in one of the aforementioned mansions, castles, shacks, inns, caves, etc., resist the urge to wander off on your own to explore.  Camp out in an open place, and stick together!  Better yet, STAY IN YOUR CAR!!!
  7. The man in the tux with the sharp teeth is a vampire.  Do not look him in the eyes. (I wear my sunglasses at night!).  You will become a member of the living dead shortly after.  For preparedness, see Rule 10.
  8. Should you happen to run into a man in a hockey mask with a chainsaw, axe, household butcher knife.  DO NOT lock yourself into the farthest room down the hallway, and stand next to the opposite wall.  He, she, or it will still find you eventually.  They, are not, after all, THAT STUPID!!!
  9. Learn to recognize the signs of a zombie; vacant eyes, drool, indistinct groans.  Should one of your friends show these signs, back away and find the sharpest implement available to put him down!!
  10. Carry an assortment of implements designed to fend off the so called "monsters".  Garlic, crucifixes, wooden stakes, sharp swords, and guns loaded with silver bullets are very useful.  It is advisable to wear the garlic and carry a concealed weapon of some sort.
   I hope these rules, whilenot complete, will give you some guidelines on the common sense you should employ when on an adventure.  Use common sense! (or if you want to use uncommon sense instead)  Stay safe!  And be sure to laugh loudly at the people in these movies making these errors in judgement.